A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband’s temper and threatening manner.

The Doc asks: “What’s the problem, Janet?”

The woman says: “Weeell, Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Evrae time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon’.”

The Doctor says: “Aye, well… I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep.”

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

She says: “Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an’ swished, and he dinae touch me even once! Tell me Doc…wha’s the secret? How’s the water do that?”

The Doctor says: “Janet, it’s really nae big secret. The water does bugger all – it’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick…”